Not sure how that is the idea, but not really. In fact, it's probably the single best indicator of happiness as per history. But the joy comes from the idea of sacrificing self. Does sacrificing self make people miserable? If it does... I think you might be right!
I like this, John. It's a nice complement to your videos where I can see your face and hear your voice, but this allows me to chew on what you've said a bit more. Good stuff!
I think it’s both. I got married during a massive depression. No love. My only thought was duty and that love was fake. Just a feeling. The marriage was just work. I’ve been depressed the entire marriage. I feel like there should be a balance. I went totally against my body or what I was able to be attracted to. Over the years I feel more and more fake. I agree with you intellectually but I’ve been giving sobbing confessions to multiple priests and monks for having no love for my wife from the beginning. I just feel more and more fake. It makes me feel so dysphoric towards my entire life. I love our kids but my relationship with my wife makes me feel so no like myself or anything good. I feel so fake any time I say I love you. If I pretend she is just a person, everything is fine. The only thing we lack is this kind of love you talk about. I chased it when I was younger and so wrote it off as useless illusion.
I feel what you are saying is important AND the Eros is also important, which isn’t just sexual. It’s how your mind and thoughts mix. It’s everything, not just passion or what ever. I find people who have that with their spouse and sacrifice for that love tend to write it off, not knowing it’s what they are standing on.
Passion is supposed to be in the right place, not written off as just a temptation.
Yes indeed good sir... marriage is the toughest thing out there and also, well, a deep and varied beauty. I definitely don't know the answers to these difficult things you speak of, on the other hand, much of the answer you seem to have already exercised brother! Something like struggle and the hope of finding a new way into the deep beauty. Be at peace. Little by little. I don't know what your marriage is or becomes, but you are beautiful. It matters that you care. It is your salvation in many ways. I think. Eros! Agape. Real shit and real hard to "understand". And yet we live in and through it all.
Yeah totally. I completely share your ideals. What I feel is my nous, is saying to break my marriage like setting a bone. I’m the only one that sees this and have given myself a lot a neurosis And depression fighting it for years. I’ve communicated everything to priests recently and over the years. The marriage feels dysphoric. I really have empathy with detrans and trans people because of this dysphoria that is seemingly allergic to the ideal. I have judged a man in a situation less bad than mine and I see illumination in that hypocrisy and judgement. There is a self suppression involved in my marriage that feels as if I have been becoming more selfish and more isolated over the years rather than less. I don’t want to follow any passion as if that will lead to happiness but I feel defeated by biological compatibility. Anyway, I love your work. I just wanted to share that sometimes things are possibly just a mess and actions might look new world but are not and some might look old world but are not. The transformation of death into glory is definitely a scandal. I’m not suggesting anyone chase death for that glory but sometimes it is a real death where you fail to fail. Also, I am still in dialogue with my priest/the church so, just was wanting to share that feeling of messiness. I am already receiving guidance along traditional channels.
Kurt, forgive me for my late response. I feel like we met on email, but I see that is not true. First of all thank you for supporting us by reading our work/ my work. I'd love you to jump into our Inside Baseball conversations once a month on zoom. Just a small group of us talking about this substack and others. And our work... Also, your comment is profound good brother. The pain of a marriage is the pain of all pains. It cuts deep. And yes! Biological compatibility AKA chemistry is a thing, but I find it is a thing when the spirit is not in alignment within the home. It's like bio stuff is the outcome of spirit stuff. A hotter spiritual life is a "hotter" biological life. But I don't say this to minimize what you are saying. In fact, it is clear you FULLY understand the path and the pain. Consider me just a sojourner nearby, trying to be of some use with words. That of course is never enough! But anyway that we can meet up going ahead sounds good and righteous and lovely. May we learn to not judge our brothers and sisters while also somehow, telling the truth. A paradox above all!
Not sure how that is the idea, but not really. In fact, it's probably the single best indicator of happiness as per history. But the joy comes from the idea of sacrificing self. Does sacrificing self make people miserable? If it does... I think you might be right!
I like this, John. It's a nice complement to your videos where I can see your face and hear your voice, but this allows me to chew on what you've said a bit more. Good stuff!
I think it’s both. I got married during a massive depression. No love. My only thought was duty and that love was fake. Just a feeling. The marriage was just work. I’ve been depressed the entire marriage. I feel like there should be a balance. I went totally against my body or what I was able to be attracted to. Over the years I feel more and more fake. I agree with you intellectually but I’ve been giving sobbing confessions to multiple priests and monks for having no love for my wife from the beginning. I just feel more and more fake. It makes me feel so dysphoric towards my entire life. I love our kids but my relationship with my wife makes me feel so no like myself or anything good. I feel so fake any time I say I love you. If I pretend she is just a person, everything is fine. The only thing we lack is this kind of love you talk about. I chased it when I was younger and so wrote it off as useless illusion.
I feel what you are saying is important AND the Eros is also important, which isn’t just sexual. It’s how your mind and thoughts mix. It’s everything, not just passion or what ever. I find people who have that with their spouse and sacrifice for that love tend to write it off, not knowing it’s what they are standing on.
Passion is supposed to be in the right place, not written off as just a temptation.
Yes indeed good sir... marriage is the toughest thing out there and also, well, a deep and varied beauty. I definitely don't know the answers to these difficult things you speak of, on the other hand, much of the answer you seem to have already exercised brother! Something like struggle and the hope of finding a new way into the deep beauty. Be at peace. Little by little. I don't know what your marriage is or becomes, but you are beautiful. It matters that you care. It is your salvation in many ways. I think. Eros! Agape. Real shit and real hard to "understand". And yet we live in and through it all.
Yeah totally. I completely share your ideals. What I feel is my nous, is saying to break my marriage like setting a bone. I’m the only one that sees this and have given myself a lot a neurosis And depression fighting it for years. I’ve communicated everything to priests recently and over the years. The marriage feels dysphoric. I really have empathy with detrans and trans people because of this dysphoria that is seemingly allergic to the ideal. I have judged a man in a situation less bad than mine and I see illumination in that hypocrisy and judgement. There is a self suppression involved in my marriage that feels as if I have been becoming more selfish and more isolated over the years rather than less. I don’t want to follow any passion as if that will lead to happiness but I feel defeated by biological compatibility. Anyway, I love your work. I just wanted to share that sometimes things are possibly just a mess and actions might look new world but are not and some might look old world but are not. The transformation of death into glory is definitely a scandal. I’m not suggesting anyone chase death for that glory but sometimes it is a real death where you fail to fail. Also, I am still in dialogue with my priest/the church so, just was wanting to share that feeling of messiness. I am already receiving guidance along traditional channels.
Kurt, forgive me for my late response. I feel like we met on email, but I see that is not true. First of all thank you for supporting us by reading our work/ my work. I'd love you to jump into our Inside Baseball conversations once a month on zoom. Just a small group of us talking about this substack and others. And our work... Also, your comment is profound good brother. The pain of a marriage is the pain of all pains. It cuts deep. And yes! Biological compatibility AKA chemistry is a thing, but I find it is a thing when the spirit is not in alignment within the home. It's like bio stuff is the outcome of spirit stuff. A hotter spiritual life is a "hotter" biological life. But I don't say this to minimize what you are saying. In fact, it is clear you FULLY understand the path and the pain. Consider me just a sojourner nearby, trying to be of some use with words. That of course is never enough! But anyway that we can meet up going ahead sounds good and righteous and lovely. May we learn to not judge our brothers and sisters while also somehow, telling the truth. A paradox above all!
So you think marriage should make people miserable?